From talking with friends I am aware that the news this past week of the loosening of restrictions in most states, with people flocking to beaches and eating again in restaurants, has reduced the anxieties and fears in many, and it has also increased the anxieties and fears in many. When we listen to scientists talking about the prospects of a vaccine (most likely at least 12 months away) and the predictions of a resurgence of covid-19 next winter, we realize that we are still in for a long haul, especially for elderly and those with compromised immune systems.
After talking with the people from my Monday night meditation which is available on Zoom nowadays, I have decided to talk about practices which can help when afflictive emotions like anxiety, fear, and despair arise. I realized that this is my 51st blog entry since beginning last June, and I have written many times about practices for dealing with afflictive emotions. So I will refer to those blogs where readers can get more details if they wish.
A note of caution
In general, such practices are meant to be used once one has some meditation experience. This was stated explicitly by a teacher at an online summit I participated in last week. First, we need to calm the nervous system by focusing our attention outward. It is helpful if we can believe that “in this moment I am safe.” Once we have calmed the mind by mindful awareness of the breath, body, sounds, loving-kindness, etc., then we can focus inward.
I don’t see this as an absolute directive. However, it is important to provide caution. Just as one does not decided to swim the English Channel after one swimming lesson, one generally does not employ meditative practices for anxieties and fears when one feels extremely trigged. Like Bill Murray learned from his therapist in What About Bob : “baby steps”!
A change in attitude
The counterintuitive aspects of such practices is that you are not trying to get rid of such emotions but to change your relationship to them. This is a paradigm shift and can’t be overstated, and it’s not one that happens overnight. I know it was shift that evolved over time in my own practice.
I recall being at a retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh who explained why. He said that before we can stop the wars out there, we have to stop the wars in here. He said that when we hate the wars inside our own hearts, we are fighting with ourselves, and that is why suppressing those feelings can’t work.
Translated into the work of Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems, when strong afflictive emotions like fear, anxiety, and despair arise, they are parts of ourselves, and so we need to learn to bring kindness and compassion to those parts rather than hating them. As one person said last night, “This is a part of me, not outside me, not the whole of me.”
In Rumi’s famous poem The Guest House he urges us to welcome them all as guests.
I wrote in one BLOG in the paragraph “Presence and not turning away” about how powerful it was for someone to not hate what she was feeling.
The RAIN framework
Many of the practices for dealing with afflictive emotions fall under the broad framework of RAIN which I described in a blog you can access HERE. The practice consists of Recognizing that this afflictive emotion has arisen, Allowing/Accepting that it has arisen, Investigating what you are noticing, and Not taking it personally or non-identification with what is happening.
Bringing loving-kindness and compassion
With this family of practices, we begin by getting into a meditative state and focusing on an anchor practice, for example, breath, body, sounds, visualizations, etc. When the afflictive emotions come, we acknowledge them and move our attention to where they are manifesting physically. Some common places include: tightening of the shoulders, the jaw, or the neck; the breath becoming shallow or ragged; feelings in the stomach. We stay with awareness of such sensations, and we see if we can recognize that they are changing. They are literally changing because energy is constantly changing, often throbbing, pulsing, or varying in intensity. When I notice the changing, the sensations lose some of their power over me.
At some point, you can move toward a relationship of kindness and compassion to these feelings in your body and your mind. You might or might not use phrases.
I spoke of the power of this kind of practice with My mountains of resentment last September.
Inviting the feelings to talk to you
Another practice is to ask this part of you that is feeling these feelings to talk to you. For example, questions like: what are you trying to tell me? What am I not realizing or seeing that is causing you to come?
I related a story about this practice in Similar story, different words last September.
Tonglen practice
Tonglen is a powerful practice from Tibetan Buddhism. It is counter-intuitive because you breathe in the anxiety, fear, despair and you breathe out positive energy. I most often use this practice when I feel despair for the world and for the many people who are causing deep suffering by their actions and for the people who are suffering because of such actions.
For more information about this practice, you can read an article by Pema Chodron and you can Google ‘Tonglen Pema Chodron’ for other articles and videos.
Movement meditation
Many practices like Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and Yoga were originally created as practices for our whole being, not just for the physical benefits of a more flexible body. All of theses practices can be done in a meditative spirit. I know many people who do such practices regularly, and they report that these practices are helpful when faced with afflictive emotions.
Nature
Since covid-19, I am outside in nature almost every day. I am fortunate to live close to a forest through which flows a small river. I have appreciated the coming of spring this year with the buds and flowers, leaves, and bird songs more than I have in years.
I talked about my healing from some time deep in a forest in this BLOG.
We were made for these times
“We were made for these times” is a powerful essay by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
“We are the ones we have been waiting” is a book by Alice Walker.
“We are the Ones We've Been Waiting” is a prophecy by Hopi Elders.
They were all said and written well before this pandemic and be accessed on the internet, both in written form and on videos. Many other people have written essays on these themes, both before and since this pandemic. I find many of the words very inspirational and they lead me to see this current situation in the larger perspective of human history and the history of life.
May you all be safe and well, may you all feel peace, may you all be free from suffering.