On January 7, I recommended thinking about a New Year’s Intention. My intention for this year is to pay attention to hurrying. Even though I retired almost four years ago, I still rush too much. I have focused on hurrying and the desire to slow down before and this habit is pretty persistent, which means there many parts of me that are involved. Since mindfulness technically means seeing clearly, I am not clearly seeing all the factors that contribute to my chronic hurrying!
Six weeks in to this endeavor, I will share my discoveries, insights, and challenges. I feel much of this will relate to whatever you are choosing to bring mindfulness to:
• habits you might change like anger, irritation, complaining, resentment, unskillful speech, spending, eating,
• habits you might develop: compassion, kindness, patience, generosity, gratitude, how you begin your day, exercising regularly, etc.
Taking inventory
I first did an inventory of all the regular optional commitments in my life. Some of the events are weekly, some are biweekly, some are monthly, and some are occasional, like Board meetings that meet quarterly. When I added all that up, I figured they take up about 25 hours a week. Doesn’t seem like that much. However, there are 20 different projects/activities with which I am involved. It takes a lot of energy to keep that many different projects in my head, like a therapist who has a caseload of 50 people, though s/he only sees 20 each week.
I also think I’m underestimating, so I’m going to do an actual inventory for the next few weeks. I did this once when I was teaching and working 50+ hours a week, with two children. To my amazement, I found that I was spending about 15 hours a week planning lessons, without counting grading papers. I realized that I could reduce an hour a day if I was really mindful about my planning.
Caffeine
I noticed long ago that caffeine makes me wired and a bit edgy: less patient. I have cut out caffeine a few times and found I was less wired and edgy. I also noticed that my energy was more even, instead of the peaks and valleys that several cups of coffee a day would cause. However, I argued that with my chronic fatigue, I needed three cups a day to give me energy boosts, beginning with a cup first thing in the morning.
I decided to bite the bullet and stop all caffeine for at least one week. I quickly notices a significant decrease in feeling wired and edgy, though it wasn’t like I suddenly became this mellow, happy, smiley person So I continue with no caffeine. I am beginning my third week now without caffeine.
Ongoing investigations and playfulness
I have decided that one approach is to pick one or two regular activities and bring the intention do them slowly and mindfully. This week's efforts have involved being mindful (once a day) of picking up my cup of tea, taking a sip, and putting the cup back down. When doing laundry, I have brought the intention to hang thee clothes on the drying rack more slowly. It has been both sobering and fun in a playful way.
Another opportunity presented itself to me when I noticed that the letter e on my keyboard is suddenly funky. I need to press harder; otherwise it doesn’t register. Mindfulness means seeing clearly, so I paid attention to this. First, I noticed how irritated this made me: “I need a new keyboard.” Otherwise it looks like this: I nd a nw kyboard! I also noticed that if I type more slowly and deliberately, the e works reasonably well. It is only a problem when I am typing very fast. So I am now typing more deliberately. Furthermore, this is really a First-world problem. If this is the most irritating thing in my life today, I’m a pretty lucky person! So now I am more likely to feel gratitude when the e doesn’t register than irritated.
I slept over at the monastery that I go to every Thursday and everyone there is going more slowly. On Friday morning I decided to try a cup of regular caffeinated black tea. I enjoyed it and could feel the energy from the tea. While I was washing dishes, I chipped a bowl when I was putting it in the sink to be rinsed. Valuable feedback. No more caffeinated tea!
What else?
When I tell people all the things I am involved with, they generally gasp. I have decided I need to pay attention, once again, to why I feel the need to do so many things. I “know” it comes from both my parents. I know that service has been an important part of my life. The only two awards I have ever received were for my service. While continue to be inspired by Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Mother Theresa, I know I can get carried away.
So I have decided to devote some contemplation and reflection on that question: what is the balance between taking care of myself, being available to my family, and my efforts to bring peace to the world.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is practicing bringing a curious, open, kind response to our relationship to our life. In another sense, mindfulness is listening with the ears of our heart. When we do this regularly, we find that we and the people and beings we are in relationship are changed.