One of the more common tendencies among American meditators, as opposed to Asian meditators, is that we often try really hard. One of my early teachers, from India, commented on this at a retreat. He then related a metaphor the Buddha used: meditation is like a lute. If the strings are too tight or too loose, the lute is not in tune.
During meditation we can often feel ourselves trying to stay concentrated, trying to have a good meditation. At these times it can be useful to check in with the jaw and facial muscles and then relax during the next exhale. Often I can feel a significant difference when I do this, and then the striving in me lessens. Another place to check is your tongue. If it's at the roof of your mouth, which it often is with Americans, then you're tense. Relax and let the tongue rest on the bottom of the mouth, its preferred home!
One of the classic mindfulness meditations is the body scan, where you move your attention systematically through the body, bringing mindfulness to each part of the body. This meditation can also be done in a non-systematic way by focusing on whatever sensations are more prominent in that moment.
During this meditation I would often catch myself trying to notice as many sensations as possible in the area that I was focusing on, for example the hand. One teacher said that the goal is not to notice as many sensations as you can, which happens when you are in striving mode. Rather, in the meditative stance we simply notice what sensations are already there.
Several years ago I realized that one of my favorite teachers was using the words 'receive' and 'receiving' a lot, as in: "As you start to get comfortable, bring ease to the entire body by opening your awareness to receive what bodily sensations come in." I now find my body more relaxed when I practice the body scan meditation, not grasping and striving but simply noticing what is already present in my mind and noticing my relationship to what is present.
Reflecting on this notion of trying really hard and striving, I remember when I was first taking yoga classes many years ago. I found it challenging to hold the downward dog posture. My teacher gave me feedback but still I struggled. Then she said, “pay attention to your body and you’ll feel your way into the posture.” Really? It took a few classes, but when I relaxed and paid closer attention to my body, there was an ease in the posture.
A similar thing happened in a Pilates class several years ago. There is a floor exercise where we twist the body to one side while keeping the opposite shoulder on the floor. I was struggling with that posture, but one week I relaxed during the posture and was suddenly able to twist more while the shoulder stayed on the ground!
I still notice this tendency. After all, old habits die hard. I have found the term 'habit energy' from Thich Nhat Hanh to be very helpful in not being so hard on myself when a habit proves challenging to change or to let go of. That leads to patience which is another wonderful quality that can develop through mindfulness practice!