When I first learned to meditate over 40 years ago, meditation of breath and the body were the primary emphasis. Loving-kindness was mentioned, but it was given secondary importance by most teachers. Over the years that has changed and Jack Kornfield, using the metaphor of a bird, wrote that one wing is meditation and observation, and the other wing is loving-kindness and compassion. The clear point is that the bird needs both wings to fly. The Buddha taught a family of practices called The Brahmaviharas which translates directly as The Heavenly Abodes: loving-kindness, compassion, empathetic joy, and equanimity.
Because so much has been written about these practices on the internet, I will focus here on nuances that I have learned over the years.
One of my teachers explained the first three abodes this way.
• Loving-kindness is radiating a feeling of goodwill toward all beings.
• Compassion can be seen as loving-kindness toward beings who are suffering.
• Empathetic Joy can be seen as loving-kindness toward beings who are experiencing great joy--falling in love, the birth of a child or grandchild, getting a job or a promotion, etc.
Metta (loving-kindness)
I often simply allow myself to envision all beings and radiate this energy of loving-kindness outward, to all beings in all directions.
One of the standard ways to practice metta is to focus on four persons: someone you love, yourself, a neutral person, a challenging person, and then repeating certain phrases. Many phrases have been taught. Common ones include: May you/I be happy, May you/I be healthy, May you/I be peaceful.
Interestingly, this form was not taught by the Buddha who said "...with a boundless heart should one cherish all living beings: radiating kindness over the entire world..."
If my mind is not settling down, I often move to this form because it helps my mind to settle down.
During the day, if I find myself caught up in anger, resentment, irritation, etc. toward a person, I will repeat the phrases directed toward that person: may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be peaceful.
Compassion (Karuna)
I almost always know one or more persons whose loved one has recently died or who is struggling with a serious illness.
I have modified the standard phrases based on a comment by a participant at a course I was teaching. When I asked the people to bring to their hearts someone who was suffering and then use the phrases, one person angrily said that her best friend's husband had died several days ago. and that it felt ridiculous to say may you be happy, etc. . I heard her and these modifications came to me:
• May you have moments of happiness each day.
• May you have moments of peace each day.
• May you have moments of freedom from suffering each day.
When I did that, the angry person got tears in her eyes, smiled and said "I can do that."
Empathetic joy (mudita)
Ajahn Sucitto encouarages us to begin with cultivating joy in our own hearts: "I like to think of mudita in terms of cultivating the quality of appreciation. " I understand his point to be that we often take so much for granted. When we appreciate all that we do have throughout the day, for example, food, housing, the natural beauty in the world, we begin the practice of mudita for others with an uplifted heart.
When focusing on a specific person, I generally let myself recall the cause for their joy, visualize their joyful face, and radiate my joy for them outward. Sometimes I use this phrase: "I’m happy for your joy."
Equanimity (upekkha)
My understanding of equanimity has been heavily shaped by Christina Feldman who wrote that "equanimity is understanding what it means to stand in the midst of all experience with unshakeable balance, to be responsive yet unbroken...to see with patience, standing in the middle of life with a boundless poise and balance.
Equanimity enables me to hold the suffering of the world (for example, the war in Ukraine, the hurricane in Florida, the floods in Pakistan, the threats to democracy in the world and in the United States) without falling into despair. It is a daily practice and complex. For example, I occasionally take a one-week fast from world and national news.
I end with a reminder from Thich Nhat Hanh who said that these and all practices are so deeply interrelated, that practicing any one of them whole-heartedly will enrich your practice of the others!
I offer references for the two teachers who have most deeply shaped my practice of these four qualities.
Ajahn Sucitto's essay "Standing on the Sphere of the Brahmaviharas" [The Heavenly Abodes] in The Perfect Gift, available online at forestsangha.org/teachings/audio/speakers/ajahn-sucitto?language=English.
Christina Feldman in Boundless Heart. She offers specific practices for developing each of the qualities.