While I was at a meditation retreat several years ago, my teacher said that American meditators tend to be too serious and they underappreciate the importance of beauty and joy in sustaining a mindfulness practice. I took that to heart because joy was not a regular companion in my early and middle adulthood.
Cultivating
One of the words the Buddha used for meditation also meant to cultivate. This has helped me to associate qualities like patience and controlling what I can control and letting go of what I can’t control when I am cultivating a physical garden and when I am cultivating qualities like joy.
Thich Nhat Hanh has also used this metaphor. He says we can sow seeds of kindness, compassion, joy, gratitude, and generosity or we can sow seeds of bitterness, anger, resentment, and ill-will.
I find it important to occasionally remind readers that while I consider myself Buddhist, I find great value in many other different spiritual practices and wisdom from other sources. Here are two stories related to the cultivation of important qualities like joy.
There is a Cherokee story where the grandparent tells the grandchild that two wolves live inside each of us—the wolf of love and the wolf of hate. When the grandchild asks which wolf wins, the response is: “The wolf you feed.”
Martin Seligman, often credited as the father of positive psychology, told this story at a conference. He was weeding in his garden with his daughter, Nicki, who was almost six. Seligman takes gardening seriously, but his daughter was simply having fun. At one point he got frustrated and yelled at her. "Nicki got a stern look on her face: 'Daddy,' she said, 'I want to talk with you'… 'From the time I was three until I was five, I whined a lot. But I decided the day I turned five, to stop whining. And I haven't whined once since the day I turned five… Daddy, if I could stop whining, you can stop being such a grouch.'"
And so we practice!
Some practices many have found helpful
I offer several of many practices that can help us to develop more joy in our lives. The growing neuroscience research supports cultivating such practices which literally rewire the brain.
1. Begin the day by bringing mindfulness to something you do every day:
taking a shower, getting dressed, making and drinking the morning cup of coffee or tea, eating breakfast, looking out the window… Each of these activities can be coupled with gratitude—that you can take a hot shower, that you have adequate clothing, that you can have coffee/tea, that you have sufficient food…
2. Notice beauty in the world.
I find that noticing beauty almost always awakens joy. We can notice beauty throughout the day—when the sun comes out, a flower or other plant, another person’s face, a building, the forest, the sky, so many possibilities.
The other day when I remembered to slow down and pause during a walk in the woods I spent several minutes watching two downy woodpeckers going up and down the bark of a tree, eating insects!
3. Keep a joy journal.
The 21 day gratitude journal I did over 20 years ago enabled gratitude to become a daily habit. I recommend keeping a notebook or even an index card with you during the day and writing the experiences down, or on you cell phone.
4. Find what works for you.
I have seen various challenges on Facebook, for example, post a photograph or a favorite music album every day for 10 days. I know several people who have found awaken joy in different ways.
Be creative and listen to what is being called for inside you.
These moments are available all of the time, and such moments take us out of automatic pilot and reactivity.
Related practices that support the development of joy
Generosity
This was an entire post on November 26, so I will simply note here that generosity could be a practice in itself to cultivate more joy: generosity given and generosity received. In both cases, there is the potential for a simple but powerful connection with another being.
Mindfulness and the importance of anchors
When we live in the present, joy often arises for no reason. My supporting evidence is to spend time with young children! Someone asked the Dalai Lama what was the happiest moment in his life. He paused for a few moments and then said, “I think now.”
Along with this is the notion of anchor, which can remind you to be more present. One of my primary anchors is my breath. Often when I feel stressed or irritated or impatient, I pause to breathe, and my experience of this moment changes. I remember that I have choice and I have practices, like joy that can support me, and I often smile in that moment. There are various other anchors including: attention to your body, phrases like “May all beings be happy,” and reminders like a card or stone in your pocket that has a word like joy on it.
Empathetic joy
The Buddha spoke of the importance of “empathetic joy.” It is important to note that he did not just say joy, but rather empathetic joy. This phrasing opens this quality up—it’s not just about me and my joy. It reminds us of the reality of the deep interconnectedness of all life. I have been fortunate to have many people teach me these qualities.. For example, when I shared the birth of my granddaughter with friends, many were as happy as if were their granddaughter. It was especially touching when it was friends who don’t yet have grandchildren.
Attitudes toward the cultivation of joy
I offer with three attitudes that I believe are important to help joy grow. Consider them fertilizer!
1. Be open not attached to outcome
The metaphor of cultivation and gardening is helpful again here. You focus on what you can control, for example, attention, skillful effort. Then let go and let nature do the rest.
2. Don’t force it
Think of willingness to bring the attention to cultivating joy as opposed to willpower.
3. Keep it simple
I recommend the following book and article (which you can read by simply Googling the title).
Awakening Joy: 10 Steps to Happiness by James Baraz and Shoshana Alexander
Sparking Joy: A Mindfulness Practice for Everyday by Willem Kuyken in mindful.org
May you all notice moments of joy each day….