For many of us it has been almost a month of pretty much staying at home, except for walking outside almost every day. And I read today that, while there is talk of some easing of restrictions by the end of the month, there will likely not be a return to normal until there is a vaccine, which may be some time.
Yesterday, probably due to an all day rain and other events, I had a small crash. I spent the evening watching Guardians of the Galaxy, a silly and wonderful escapist movie and eating part of a package of chocolate chips. The good news is that, because of mindfulness, I am not beating myself up.
Today feels like a good time to talk about an important teaching from Ajahn Sucitto: pay attention, widen and soften, meet what arises, include it all. These four phrases have been an important part of my practice since I heard them. I will begin each section with his actual words from one of his blogs in 2018.
You can read his whole post HERE.
You can listen to his talk on this topic on HERE.
You can read an edited summary of this talk HERE.
Pay Attention
“Heighten your awareness of the immediate present experience without attempting to change it. Tune into the steadying effect of that absence of reactivity. Feel how your body is when that quality helps you to settle; and when that feels adequate and comfortable, and as it feels suitable, sense how your breathing feels. Above all, hold your attention on the aspect of the body that allows you to feel more comfortably settled.”
The Buddha emphasized the importance of discernment which is important for those of us who tend to try to do it ‘right.’ He used the example of a cowherd who, when the crop is ripe, must watch the cows closely to make sure they don’t go into the fields. However, once the crop is harvested, the cowherd can relax his attention and watch over the cows from a distance.” This is especially important today—this is not a sprint, where we ‘suck it up’ for a few weeks and then get back to our ‘regular’ life, but a marathon.
Ajahn Sucitto underscores this element of discernment with the next part of the teaching.
Widen and Soften
“Relax the intensity of the focus, and also any ideas of getting somewhere, or searching for an experience, or trying to change anything. Let yourself be fully receptive to how it actually is. If the experience is pleasant, absorb into it. If it is difficult, step back and rest in the wider field of awareness. Get a feel for the awareness that your experience of your body/ breathing arises within – and let things change in their own time.”
Meet What Arises
“You may notice irregularities in your breathing, or discordant experiences in your body. Alternatively, subtle pleasure may arise. Have an attitude of meeting these phenomena, rather than pushing through them, hanging onto them, or wondering what to do next. You may detect qualities such as hesitancy, fascination or forcefulness in terms of your attitude. Acknowledge any of these, and rather than thinking about them, notice them as qualities in the mind's field, of a similar nature to those in the bodily domain.
Include It All
This “refers to continuing this process as other phenomena arise. As they will – all is changing, and your embodied mind, as awareness deepens into it, will unfold in the way that a crumpled rubber sheet does when it comes out of compression. In this process, it will present both the nature of the forces that caused it to contract (such as fear, hurt or desire) and the factors such as gladness, rapture and ease that are sign of the beauty of that unfolding.”
Rumi’s wonderful poem The Guest House, which I have mentioned before is so relevant here: “Welcome and entertain them all.”
Caveats
After introducing these four phrases, he says that “like all models, this one is simplistic and subject to misinterpretations.” This is why I recommend reading one of the blog posts or his talks to more fully understand this teaching.
Include it all “has at times felt naively optimistic. But it’s an aspiration; perhaps better expressed as ‘include what your mindfulness can manage.”
I like his point that “mindfulness is more like a loop than a thumbtack: it can narrow to sit on a small location (such as the nosetip) or it can widen to cover the experience of the body as a whole unit. And mind isn’t an entity, it’s a permeable field of changing qualities. And it’s sensitive, a ‘heart’. Hence the value of mindfulness is that it holds the boundary of attention, and shields the mind from useless, damaging or irrelevant phenomena. Then, as it gathers energy and strength, it can be directed without its loop being broken.”
It is only within the last couple of years that I have appreciated the importance of embodied awareness, because like many people my mindfulness has been more conceptual than embodied. “Embodiment is the key, because it opens the potential to meet phenomena as energies and sensations, rather than think about them, obsess or fight with them. Properly met, they can find release.”
Brene Brown and ‘including it all’
I have mentioned Brene Brown whose Ted Talk “The Power of Vulnerability” is one of the most watched Ted Talks. I am excerpting from that talk some passages which speak to the importance of including it all, with discernment. “The problem is…that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin…You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.”
Mindfulness
When I have those moments of terror or overwhelm—fears of the destruction of our democracy, the death of people I love, my own death—I need to be mindful of how I meet those moments. Last night I watched a movie and ate chocolate chips. This morning I feel calmer and more willing not to numb.
When I feel willing to ‘include it all,’ I begin by bringing my attention to my breath or my body, whichever feels more appropriate in this moment. And then I simply stay there. When I realize my mind has taken me away, I smile and return to the breath or body as it is now. Almost always, within a short period of time, I can feel some calming in my breath and in my body. When struggling, I find it useful to ask myself “can I be with it now, in this moment; not for the next hour, but in this moment?” Most of the time, whether it is physical pain or psychological pain, the answer is “yes, in this moment.” And if can’t I get up and do something else.
Resources
During this period, many well-known teachers are offering guided meditations and talks for free. You can check our Center’s website (mindfulnesskeene.org) for a partial list of what is available.
Because our Center is closed, my Monday night meditation is now available on Zoom. Instructions on how to join are on our Center’s website.
Ginnie Gavrin (another teacher at our Center) and I will be leading four Saturday morning sessions on dealing with covid-19. Check on our Center’s website later today if you are interested. Each session will have some presentation, a meditation (with some guidance) and time for questions and sharing.
And remember the Dalai Lama’s famous response to someone who asked his what his religion was: “My religion is kindness.”
And that includes kindness to ourselves.
May we all be safe and well. May we all know peace. May we all be free from suffering.