(A note for people who are partially computer literate. In the text (not headers), when a word or phrase is in boldface, that means it’s an active button—if you click on it, you will be directed to a web page or to a handout.)
Developing Resilience
Resilience is often described as the ability to recover quickly from difficult situations.
“We build resilience by allowing ourselves to experience what we are feeling in any given situation, whether it’s good or bad” Frank Ostaseski.
An important accompaniment to the qualities of resilience is the old adage of “different strokes for different folks.” That is, each person who is resilient will have a different combination of the helpful attitudes, tools, and practice, and will apply them differentially.
The following discussion is adapted from this article: Building your resilience
Foster wellness
Making sure you get adequate rest, exercise, and nutrition
All three of these are basic to good health and often neglected during times of crisis.
Practice mindfulness regularly
Although I meditate almost every day, I practice mindfulness many times during the day. For example, I think “bringing in light” each morning when I open the shades in the downstairs rooms. I smile while I wipe door handles, cabinet knobs, sinks, and toilet seats with a mixture of bleach and water each day. I smile when singing different songs when I wash my hands. See this handout for more: 24 Strategies for mindfulness during the day.
When we have feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, fear, or despair, it is tempting to distract ourselves by turning on the TV or computer, getting something to eat, calling a friend, or other common distractions. Sometimes, this is skillful and helpful. I also feel it is important sometimes to bring mindfulness to those feelings. Many writers, meditation teachers and neuroscientists, have stated that one of the purposes of pain, both physical and emotional, is to alert us that something is not right and needs to be attended to. I have learned to pay attention to these messages and to bring mindful attention to the pain sooner than later.
A Zen teacher recently wrote to his students that “it is easy for the mind to relax with the familiar and the pleasant. It is more difficult for it to relax with anxiety and fear. But that is why it is so important for us to practice. The path of meditation is to accept difficult mental states and be with them. It is a mistake to aggressively chase them away. If we reject these uncomfortable experiences, we are empowering them to trouble us. In truth it is actually our own mind crying out for help and comfort.”
The practice can be as simple as pausing, when that is possible, and either bringing a gentle attention to your breath and staying there until the breath settles, or bringing attention to your body and consciously relaxing on the outbreath. There are other practices too. Sometimes, I will address these parts of myself that are overwhelmed and practice loving-kindness toward them: “May you be happy, may you find peace, may you be free from suffering.”
Avoid negative outlets
Many people are becoming addicted to media coverage of the virus. If you bring mindfulness to your body and mind, you will realize that some discretion is called for. For example, I get my news online instead of the television, because I find more fear and anxiety arises within me from the television. I only need a few minutes online to get important news, but can easily watch 30 minutes on the television. It is helpful to ask oneself: might I check news only once a day, or every other day? Most media outlets will exaggerate and hype the negativity and fear, because that’s what sells.
There is a wonderful graphic from which I extracted these suggestions:
• Can I remember to focus more on what I can control: my attitude, turning off the news, finding fun things to do at home, kindness and grace, …
• Can I remember to focus less on what I can’t control: the actions of others, predicting what will happen, how long this will last, the amount of toilet paper at the store, Generation Xers in total denial at the beach,…
Build your connections
Connections to your self, to others, to animals, to the natural world. My wife and I are walking in the nearby forest every day.
Making phone calls to others, connecting on social media (I have gone back to Facebook). Social distance should really be called physical distance.
People are being creative about getting together, taking walks (keeping 6 feet of distance) or bike riding. One group is getting together at a local park, putting on a playlist, and each person lets the music guide how their body moves, keeping six feet apart.
Find purpose
Help others. Calling people you know who live alone or whom you know struggle with depression or anxiety. Offering to grocery shop for elderly people.
Be proactive. Pay attention to what works for you. This is a place where mindfulness can be so helpful, especially when we realize that if predictions are right, that will likely mean at least some people we know will die. Though I feel that mindfulness is of wonderful help during this period, my years of mindfulness doesn’t mean I am immune from depression and anxiety, which I talked about in last week’s post.
Looking for opportunities for self-discovery, growth
This is a wonderful opportunity to develop courage. Brene Brown said in her Ted Talk The Power of Vulnerability that the word courage is “from the Latin word cor, meaning heart—and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” In an earlier blog, I noted that mindfulness and heartfulness are both valid translations for the word sati which the Buddha used.
If you are retired or in self-quarantine, this can be a time to practice something new. Yesterday I got out my guitar which I haven’t played in a couple years. I smile when I play old songs and my body relaxes.
Embrace healthy thoughts
Keep things in perspective.
Here are three bits from the web:
• Anne Frank and 7 other people hid in a 450 sq. ft. attic for 761 days, quietly trying to remain undiscovered to stay alive. We can all do our part to keep everyone safe and spend a few weeks or longer at home.
• “Your grandparents were called to war. You’re being called to sit on your couch. You can do this.”
• “World: There’s no way we can shut down everything in order to lower emissions, slow climate change and protect the environment. Mother Nature: Here’s a virus. Practice.”
Accepting that change is a part of living
”This too shall pass”….It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass!
Maintain a hopeful outlook.
I have talked about faith and hope in a previous post. A close friend of mine gently reminded me that many people do find hope to be a valuable construct. He directed me to this article: http://interactioninstitute.org/havel-on-hope/.
Learn from your past.
Many people find great value in journaling or taking walks to simply listen to those parts of you that want to be heard.
Books
If you have time to read, there are many books in the Resources part of my website that you might find useful. In addition to those books, I recommend almost anything by Brene Brown. Rachel Naomi Remen’s books Kitchen Table Wisdom and My Grandfather’s Blessings are wonderful. Each book is a collection of short heart-warming stories. I have been rereading the former during this time, one or two stories each day. There are many sites online from which you can get used copies of many of these books cheaply.
Humor
Humor is such a powerful resource. Here are some that should bring a smile to your face or a belly laugh.
• Trip to the Pet Store
• The cone of shame
• https://learningenglish.voanews.com/a/toilet-paper-humor-saves-america-during-crisis/5338178.html • https://thechive.com/category/humor/
• https://www.rd.com/jokes/funny-stories/
• Go onto YouTube and type “funny videos,” “funny videos for kids,” etc.
• Note: I find many of the “autocorrect fails” to be hysterical but many of them are X-rated! Two websites are: Damnyouautocorrect.com AND Autocorrectfail.org
Stories of kindness
There are so many stories coming out on the news and online. Here are just a few.
• Carter’s Clothes announced that all their employees will receive full pay and benefits during the temporary closure of their stores.
• People are self-organizing to help those in need, for example, shopping for elderly neighbors.
• Many companies are offer free services and entertainment for the homebound and other companies are offering free food for children.
• Many NBA players are donating large sums of money to pay arena workers while games are cancelled.
• Quarantined residents in Italy sing from their balconies (this one went viral)
Inspiration
• Thank you to those who are making life possible for us
• You might enjoy reading one or more of these six poems.
• I Goggled “inspiration during coronavirus” and found this inspiring article: “These Inspiring Pictures Show People Helping Others During The Coronavirus Pandemic”
• Penguins in Chicago’s Shedd Aquarium walking around the facilities!
Sharing
If you have other resources, please share in the Comments section below. I find that many of my friends and I are basically doing well most of the time, with occasional moments or sometimes a day or two of fear, anxiety, and/or depression. However, I know that many people are stressed and overwhelmed most of the time.