“You’re silly Grandpa” said my two-year-old granddaughter as I was pushing her on the swing and making silly faces, gestures, and noises. She and her parents were here for a short visit, and I always laugh and smile more when I am around her.
I have read that American adults, on average, manage less than 20 smiles a day compared to about 400 smiles by young children.
Today’s blog is about smiling—some stories and some research—and then an invitation for you to practice smiling for the next seven days. I have offered this practice in many courses over the years, and it has been a transformative experience for many people.
Smiling in other cultures
When I was in the Peace Corps in Nepal, my friends and I were quickly struck by how often Nepalis smiled. Here is one story from the village where I lived. One morning during the monsoon season, I was awakened by the driving rain which was seeping through cracks in the shutters. This was an issue because the dirt floor would soon become mud. I moved my mattress, clothes, and other possessions away from the windows. Then I ran to my housemates’ room. By now they were both sleeping on islands! We scrambled to move their mattresses and possessions, and it was a mess. Once we finished, we looked at each other and started laughing. While it was a mess, no one was hurt. It wouldn’t have occurred to them to get angry or frustrated.
Over the years, I have had much contact with both Vietnamese and Thai monks and laypeople in the United States. They laugh so much more often than typical Americans of European ancestry. I could tell many stories of events that were potentially frustrating, like the time at a big event at the Thai monastery where it was cold and pouring rain the whole day, and the challenges were met with laughter and humor, and very little frustration or complaining.
This resonates with an article about the Dalai Lama: “What struck me most… was what he said about smiling. ‘My practice when I see someone, is to smile.’ He does it as an act of kindness - to help lift people’s spirits…He even said smiling can be more valuable than meditating. Amazing coming from someone who wakes up at 3 am to meditate for several hours.”
Mindfulness has been described as making a space between stimulus and response. This space gives us choice, and smiling and laughing is a choice. We can roll with events, focus on the positive or we can become frustrated, complain, seethe. Of course, it’s not black-and-white, either-or, but most Americans could do with smiling more often!
Benefits of smiling
A quick Google search yields a number of articles extolling the benefits of smiling: smiling reduces stress, smiling elevates your mood, smiling is contagious, smiling boosts your immune system, etc.
One of the most interesting studies was about fake smiles. In one study, researchers hooked participants up to an fMRI machine, gave them various prompts, and noted what was happening in different regions of the brain. One prompt had people hold a pencil between their teeth, which gives the effect of a fake smile. The results in the brain were very similar to when participants were put in situations where the smiling was more genuine.
How a simple human smile saved his life
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the author of The Little Prince wrote about when he was held hostage for a time when he was a journalist during the Spanish Civil War. He was terrified.
“ As one of my guards was smoking, I asked him… if he would give me one. The man…to my great astonishment… attempted a smile.
It was like the dawning of the day…This miracle did not conclude the tragedy, it removed it altogether, as light does shadow…This miracle altered nothing visible. The feeble oil lamp, the table scattered with papers, the men propped against the wall, the colors, the smell, everything remained unchanged. Yet everything was transformed in its very substance. That smile saved me…
I had an extraordinary feeling of presence…And I was aware of a connection. The boy who had smiled at me, and who, until a few minutes before, had been nothing but a function, a tool, a kind of monstrous insect, appeared now rather awkward, almost shy…He was no less a brute than any other. But the revelation of the man in him shed such a light upon his vulnerable side! We men assume haughty airs, but within the depth of our hearts, we know hesitation, doubt, grief.”
Try it!
So the invitation is to make the intention to smile/laugh as much as you can for the next week:
when something funny happens, smile or laugh.
when you meet people, smile
think of what you are grateful for and smile
smile when you might be frustrated: stuck in traffic, something spills your lap, when the light bulb goes out and you have to fix it, etc.
think of other situations where you could smile or laugh.
Follow this simple process when you smile or laugh. The sequence is important, because we generally go immediately to thinking about the experience.
1. What did you notice in/on your body while you were smiling? Being specific makes a difference. For example, you might notice that your shoulders relaxed.
2. What thoughts came up as or after you smiled? Be specific!
3. What emotions or mood change did you notice ? Be specific!
4. What thoughts come to you as you reflect on the impact of smiling?
Yvonne Rand, a Zen priest, developed a half-smile practice which she does for three breaths. She noted that if she does it six or more times a day, within three days it makes a surprising difference to the body and mind.
If you need some more encouragement, go to YouTube and type “Laughter yoga Madan Kataria” and watch some of the videos by Dr. Kataria who developed laughter yoga.